childhood emotional neglect.
childhood emotional neglect is hard to recognize because it’s not just about what happened, but it’s about what didn’t happen - and should have.
In order to develop a secure attachment to a parent, children need: to consistently feel generous amounts of love, time, regard and interest from their caregiver.
In order to feel emotionally safe, they need:
- to know their parent can handle their emotions
- their parent to be accountable and offer repair (apologize) when the parent has made a mistake
- to be able to rely on their parent to be present and emotionally attuned
If you didn’t receive the above, it’s so important to know:
- that it’s not your fault
- that it’s healthy and normal to to feel grief, sadness, anger and resentment
- your parents could have done their very best with the time, skills and capabilities they had AND that it may not have been enough to provide deep emotional nurturance.
- we don’t do this work to villainize your parents. We do it for the little child within you to start receiving what they always needed and longed for, including the knowing that they deeply matter.
moving toward healing…
Emotional neglect is passed down through family systems, until one person decides to address the pain. This is often the plight of the highly sensitive person in the lineage, who has sensed something being “off” for a very long time, but has never had the words or support to articulate their experience - until now.
Together, and through a lens of deep compassion, we work toward healing this wound you’ve carried since your childhood.
We do this through:
holding space for validating your experiences. we give full space to the memories and experiences you’ve carried that have been dismissed or gone unacknowledged
creating a new and more accurate narrative for your childhood experience(s) - not using the one that was given to you
addressing the guilt that often arises from feeling ‘disloyal’ to your parents by expressing your lived experiencing
honouring and working through your disenfranchised grief (this is grief that’s not acknowledged by society…grief with no where to go)
developing the inner resources to deal with life’s challenges
learning to accept the reality of your parent’s limitations, without making them about you.
redefining the relationship you have with your family of origin in a way that gives you voice and agency (this may mean changing the level of contact you currently have, which is entirely up to you)
My guidance is most transformative to those who:
are ready to lower the walls of self-protection and be open to: being supported, experiencing discomfort with curiosity, processing grief and making new choices. As we work together, you will be supported through all of these experiences.
are willing to take risks and recognize that nothing changes if nothing changes. You are open and willing to try new ways of relating to yourself (being kinder, gentler, more willing to take up space) and others (not automatically letting other people’s experiences or perceptions take priority over your own).
feel a sense of conviction in why it’s important to engage with this work. You aren’t healing to just stop feeling a certain way, you also have a desire to create and shape a more true-to-you emotional and spiritual life, and a desire to let that healing ripple outward.
Private one-to-one guidance:
Working together:
Virtual sessions are available on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday between 10am - 6pm. Limited evening appointments are available upon request.
Sessions are held on Zoom and a zoom link will automatically be sent to you upon booking. When you book, you will be asked a few short questions so we can make the most of our time together.
Pricing:
Single sessions run 50 minutes at $150.00 +tax (where applicable). You may also book a package of 3 sessions for $400.00.
Canadian clients book here:
US and Int’l clients book here:
If you have any questions about working together, please email me.
words from people like you
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"She has changed my life by helping me accept the duality of my circumstances."
The nervous feeling I had at the start of my first coaching call quickly calmed when I hear Kristy’s voice. It is soft, kind, soothing and compassionate. Kristy listened with patience and softly guided me to feel my emotions, but not become them. She has changed my life by helping me to accept the duality of my circumstances. I can grieve my estranged relatives but also know that the decision is best for me and is necessary for my mental health. Kristy has an uncanny ability to connect with those who are lucky enough to be guided by her, and shares her own experiences with candour.
Carrie W.
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"...has given me incredibly practical and effective tools for self care and healing that have changed my life!"
Kristy has a gentle and compassionate energy that made me feel safe and understood and supported. She has helped me release shame and guilt as a result of the mother wound, she has led me to greater self acceptance especially around being highly sensitive and introverted, and she has given me incredibly practical and effective tools for self care and healing that have changed my life!
Audrey G.
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"I feel like I grew a lot across this process, even more so than years of therapy and other coaching."
It was such an absolute pleasure working with Kristy. She has an incredibly calming presence and so much empathy. Going through this process, it was so helpful to have that demeanor. She was so patient and responsive to all of my questions and messages on all the channels (Voxer, email, IG). I just felt like she was truly focused on me. I feel like I grew a lot across this process, even more so than years of therapy and other coaching. I have changed and taken better control of my life and understood how to put myself first. I took some big and scary steps with her support. And I've undoubtedly improved my relationships and taken accountability for my role in conflicts.”
Former Client (name withheld for privacy)